A Living Catalyst

back to singapore

hi everyone who is reading my blog...
oops... maybe there are some who had forsake reading my blog cos i haven been updating... becos china is blocking a series of blogs.. which i dunno why.. and haha, *phew* that saves me from admitting to my laziness.

kk, back to blogging..

i am back in singapore from shanghai for good.. which means i will definitely be in singapore for 5 years at least from now. i dunno where i will go after 5 years, but jus know that God will have good plans for me in his hands.

Meanwhile, i want to steady my heart. heart is a shaky thing for me, its true to me but i am easily influenced by outside factors that sometimes i tend to blur the true vision.
it is becoming more steady, becos i know i got the strenght from God and from within to let me stay firm. The environment is changing rapidly and we cannot change like the weather along with the environment. ice-bergs melting in the poles should not make us sink, we got to stay firm and strong against strong winds bending us.

jus begin my course in NIE, *blink blink* there are so many lessons for me. well, as what the profs kept repeating: you are employees of MOE... blah blah... so i have to have good studying attitudes as well as a teacher ethics... hmm.. sounds stressful. though i had been a scholar for many years, as ppl say: paid to study, but it does sound weird when in NIE all of us are being paid to study and are made to be aware of the fact.
ok, i shall uphold my role as a good employee in public service.

besides work, i will be starting my normal relationship with my boyfriend. what is a normal relationship? when its not a long distance. in long distance, we had different lifestyle and free time is not spent together, and even is i miss him, i cannot see him. but now in singapore, it make sense to be able to see him whenever i like. but again, it is not true as that. becos he will also want to have his own free time when he can chill out with his frens. so sometimes i wonder where or when i will come in. and its not that i cannot see him frequently, but the purpose of these meet-ups are not for him and me, its for spiritual upgrading... so sometimes its really hard to say we dun meet up frequently enough becos we are meeting up at least once every week. though we still calls or msn or sms everyday, keeping in touch everyday, but that is jus the same in shanghai. so... sometimes i dunno what is the difference. am i anticipating a different change in his lifestyle to accomodate me or am i to slide into free spaces available in his present life? i dunno.. its another round of adapting the environment and to the people.

similarly... its back to living with my parents after 4 years. its nice to be back with them around me, giving me comfort and warmth, with me in their good care.
but ya, its another round of adaptation since i am 4 years older now, and an adult who is an employee of MOE. wahaha...

still, coming back to singapore is a series of new challenges and beginning of a new spiritual journey for me.
Pray to God i will go on a higher learning of the pure heart soon.

posted by simplecatalyst @ Monday, July 23, 2007