A Living Catalyst

maybe i shall really go for a good hobby

what do i like to do during my free time?
what do i have as a hobby?
when we fill in personal details, these are the formalities we have to fill up.

reading, writing, watching tv
well, these are jus some of the things i most commonly do.
i do enjoy doing them, but hmm.. do i really treat them as a hobby?
sometimes i really wonder what are my hobbies when i feel bored and hmm.. frustrated.
something u can really bang your anger with, something which u can use to express your emotions. but i mean.. what about reading? i cant vent my anger with a book quietly in my hands. maybe i can do it with writing, but beautiful proses do not come as naturally to u when the heat is all concentrated in your head. watching tv... well, i guess its not really quite a hobby as ... dun everyone watches tv these days when we feel bored?
its jus weird if i do label these activities as my hobby.

what do i like when i was young, when i think i can choose what i want to do in the future?
i like art and i like to read.
being jus an average child, i do not appear to be someone who do really excel in certain field of work. maybe my studies are above the average, but there is a desire in me to really excel and shine and blind the eyes of my surrounding people.
however, i always comes in second, the second best, the second choice and well, maybe as a second child.
isnt it funny when i have an essay which won a merit award in my jc's literary award., and there i wrote about me being jus a second. and well... i jus won a merit award, not shiny and not blinding, jus hmm.. a bit bright and noticeable by people. do people remember me? maybe vaguely.
speaking of this, it seems i have a low self esteem of myself.
but i am confident and hold true to my beliefs though maybe sometimes they grow weak when i am low. and i guess this period is when i am low.

and ya, u think whether u have a life when u are low. everyone seems to be better off than u are, when everyone in fact are also having their own problems and heart wretching situations. humans are well always having veiled personality.

ya so, should i go for a hobby?
when i should actually learn it in shanghai when i have more free time to myself. but time flies and well, its about time i come back to singapore and till then i think i should go back to art. start living a life for myself, when i now briefly forget how was like 9 months ago.
its so incredibly weird and funny. i forgot about the me which i lived with 22 years ago.

ok, hobby.
maybe i should try to look for art lessons... oil canvas which i always appreciated in galleries.
its really time to put thoughts into actions.
stop dreaming and start living.

our dreams and beliefs... they tend to hit head on with reality.
no matter how strong they are, compromise is needed in reality. with the other people living in the same world with us, we need to not really lower ourselves, but accept them and changes our colour tone in order to blend in better with our loved ones.

life is really interesting to live it out. what cant we solve? what rough times we cannot sail out?
though we become more cynical as time goes by, but we learn to be stronger in life and become more independent. there is nothing we cant work out.

remembering my 2007 resolution,
i want to live the world with bright colours for life is already filled with many unseen events, and uncertainties. i want to live it with bright and shine, for myself for others. its never a loss to pass on happiness and not live with regrets of any sorts.
its really short and we really have to live it out with passion.
i treat people whole heartedly... though i cannot expect the same for others, but i have my belief to pass on positive feelings for people ard me.

erm.. though i still tend to be emo emo in front of my loved ones, but hope the group of people to see the emo emo me shrink.
u provide me with a shelter and wall to lend on to when i am down.
everyone will need a shelter and i hope i also provide people i love with shelter and support.

posted by simplecatalyst @ Sunday, April 29, 2007