A Living Catalyst

猫和青蛙的情景

2008-10-20T21:08:00.002+08:00

在个倾盆大雨的早晨，因为要避雨，我沿着组屋楼下走着。
就这样，我看到了一只猫和青蛙。

两只小动物面对面相望，两物脑里各想各事。
青蛙四肢抓着地面，那气管还是颈项依旧忽小忽大地喘着。两眼乌黑突出，天真地恍惚。
猫，在我的眼中是神秘、狡猾，总是会突如其来地吓着你。
猫咪一向姿态高贵，看上眼的东西必得到手，手段也是一流的高招。

两只小东西面面相觑，我也真不知道接下来会发生什么事，就是因为下大雨，所以我和两物正好同时出现在组屋楼下。
也没有时间多留意观察，但是或许结果是命案一场。

胃痛三大禁忌一次全做完

2008-09-11T23:18:00.004+08:00

今天是一个愉快的一天，在心情上来说。但是在这个躯体上又是另外一次受刑时间。自作自受，说这是因果报应不为过。圣人明知不可为，而为之，是为了正义之事，而我则是为了口福之欲。

胃痛三大禁忌：咖啡、红茶、冰淇淋。

今天的我像是着了什么，竟然一一下肚。所以从刚才到现在的肚子就是抽筋、方松，抽筋、放松。面对咖啡和茶，我有许多的顾虑，所以喝了那杯咖啡后，胃又在翻天覆地。下午时候，又因为诱惑而喝了。

戒口了一段时间，最近却开始松口。
要再戒口。

赤壁

2008-08-07T23:13:00.002+08:00

今天和学校的高年级学生以及一些老师浩浩荡荡地到戏院看《赤壁》。

电影已经播放很久了，但是因为种种原因而没有去看。终于在今天打进戏院观看也算是一种和电影的缘分，还和这么多孩子一起观看，真是令人兴奋。

首先，令我印象深刻的是“赵子龙”。一看到这个人物，不竟令我想起我们的一位先辈者，原来他的风采和德行确实让人敬仰，那份忠心和勇敢莫泛泛之辈所能相比。只是同事提到她心中的“赵子龙”应该是全身白，加上白马，但戏里的他却是满脸的尘土和血迹，所以感到失望了。读书的人就是这般浪漫，明知沙场无法让人干干净净，但文字间留给我们的想象空间却是能将环境和形象化分为二，真是天真烂漫。这是褒义的。

关羽，关公的塑像和画我们看多了，心中的既有一个固定形象。果真，关公的造型没有让我失望，连虽然不是大红，但是真实的脸孔也不可能有大红的，所以他那种淡红相当理想，没有让我经验幻想破灭的感受。还有，他那杀敌后把刀再次放下的典型姿势，绝对完美。就像活生生从我脑海、画像、塑像走出来似的。

特别注意的就是这两位圣人。

或许战争片就应该把重点放在斗智斗勇，如果硬生生为了男女演员的比例为题而让战士和情欲挂钩也未免太多“感情泛滥”了。

随传随到

2008-08-06T20:26:00.002+08:00

有个人，他随传随到。从呱呱坠地，到呀呀儿语，即使到了花样年华时期，他依然在我们身边，或是远处，等着我们的随处随到。

嘴巴挑剔的姐姐和我，因为妈妈早上煮粥没什么小菜可配便提出了意见。应该有素肉松和香姑条来配粥比较开胃嘛，我和姐姐总是对家中的菜单意见多多。只是向爸爸讲了一次，今天回到家，看到了两罐的素肉松和一包的香菇条。

有时候，爸爸还能够随传随到。早上我去那儿，只要没有妨碍到他上班的时间，晚上，只要没有影响到他园艺的时间，我们只要轻声问到，爸爸大部分时间都会在我们去。那几次，爸爸还自愿到外载我，担心我太晚回家，饿了肚子。这些，心里都一一数着。

心里暖暖的，期待下一次的早餐粥，一边吃着妈妈的爱心粥，一边陪着爸爸买的小菜。

男人与朋友

2008-07-27T11:50:00.001+08:00

友人常常在创作中把男人之间的关系塑造的暧昧、缠绵，心灵深处总有一个角落只能由另一个男人来填补。当然，这好似关系到个人性倾向的问题，但是或许友人所说的是一种事实，只是它不是一种性倾向的问题，而是男人与男人之前的兄弟情结。

朋友第一，友谊万岁，在朋友面前，他们可以赴汤蹈火在所不惜。但是当在非朋友面前，出一趟门或是约出来聊个天，上个月，漫个步，像是要他赴汤蹈火后再跑个三项铁人还要难的一件事。或许，在埋怨和纠缠后会妥协，但是像是苦苦哀求一般。

快离题了……
就是，男人的友谊真的很纠缠。很多的道听途说告诉我们，男人与男人之前真的会存在着一种同性相吸的感情。难道你们没听说过，在监狱和兵营里，这群男人会胡闹地互相进攻吗？就只是为了好玩，他们能够疯狂起来。又或者说，他们疯狂起来时，脑子里就只有玩。而玩乐在这群大孩子当中是最为重要的事情，他们尽量避免沉重的话题，和一些琐碎会有连锁后果的活动。这是男人和男人之前不会存在的事情。拿一个“X”和“Y”的比喻，就是当精子和精子相互碰撞时，它们就只是相互嬉戏，但是当精子和卵子相互撞击，它们将结合成为另一个生命。一个将会繁衍的物体，这就代表了麻烦。

到头来，好像真的如友人所说的，男人的内心世界总是有一个角落只能由男人来填补。

当然，我是以一个女人来看待这个问题，必定读起来纠缠的不得来，像是在滋生什么琐碎的问题。但是面对这种问题，我无法战胜男人，所以只能够采取这种消极的部落格方法排解一下。

男人看了必定想：别把男人和女人的问题相提并论，因为是两个问题。

不过，女人就是爱纠缠，而我又是一个纠缠的女人，怎么办。

bringing myself to do something

2008-06-16T13:16:00.002+08:00

the week had finally arrived.

we are supposed to report to work today, but some schools do require their staff to report only a few days later. and i am one of them! ahha...

happy.. but i know i will end up nua-ing at home again.

i plan to pack my books ans stuffs.. all brought back to home early may and seriously, i have not unpack them even a single bit. so nua lah...

hai.. haha

but i go to do something productive today.

so i went to the atm to get a new password, went to collect my dress from the laundry.

come back home and print my excuse letter, check my bank transaction and then surf ard a few blogs.. and though.. i should be writing as well right?

so here i am writing.

btu i dunno really know what to write.

feeling sian... recently.. becos work is starting but i am not doing any work-related stuff as yet. and also felt i haven rest enough.

hmm.. wat is resting? holidaying? or jus sleeping in watching tv and doing nothing?

and i haven been exercising as well.. my amore is jus a gone case..

many things not learnt and many things un-learnt.

oh life.... as a nuaing person is no good!!!!!!

i got to find back my dynamic life!!!!!

the many disasters

2008-05-21T11:58:00.002+08:00

entering into another stage of my life...after uni, after nie and now stepping into my teaching career.
strangely, it seems the world has also moved itself into another stage in its cycle.

i had a strange dream yesterday night. it was a dream with heavy rain. so heavy that i was worried a flood would occur. but ok... i am always overly worried over floods, yes, esp floods. seeing endless rain and gloomy skies does not bring joy to me. it brings a moment of fear and unsettling.
ya.. and yesterday dream, was not pleasant.
like how ppl says, a dream reflects what we think in the daytime.
so yes... i thought about the recent major disasters that happened ard the world.

it upsets me, and i wonder how much i can help these people.
but it is not enough to help them after disasters happened upon them, but most importantly to help them, to prevent more disasters from happening to them in the future.
how can we prevent these?

it may happen because of our accumulative karma.
and how to minimise this karmic disaster is sort of our role.

to stay positive, to care and to love more.
it is hard not to be selfish, and its trying to stay good and positive.
but it seems there is only 1 way. and humans are born to grow upwards.
lets try together. make good use of our only chance.
every new day is another only chance.

一人份的下午茶

2008-03-22T11:45:00.002+08:00

选了很久，站在玻璃窗前认真
想象嘴里的滋味
口感、甜度和下咽后的余味
在神农水晶肚的消化过程
一个紧接一个的详细步骤
深究甚久

Can I have a piece of vanilla sponge cake
and a latte.

香草蛋糕夹着果酱
甜度适中，有些粗
果然称得上Granny's vanilla sponge cake with raspberry jam

配上饮料
菜单字条上推荐
great to go with coffee

原来
苦不会调和甜味
甜也不会调和苦味
味蕾从不做数学的加碱计算

一口蛋糕，接一口latte
蛋糕的甜加上苦latte
latte更苦
一口latte，接一口蛋糕
苦latte加上蛋糕的甜
蛋糕更甜

甜上加苦更苦
苦上加甜更甜

Granny's vanilla sponge cake with raspberry jam
加上latte
是我的下午茶

Minding

2008-02-01T10:08:00.000+08:00

think i am better at counselling when i do it in English. but that is for myself, when i dun need a lot of words.
Inspiration words seems more inspiring when its said in English, Chinese is a too emotional language for me. Sometimes distance is comforting.

I counselled myself on Selfishness today.

Always heard about friends breaking up, when everyone thought they were loving couples. And i always think its they do not love each other enough, thats why they end up going their separate ways. I believe that frimly, but it seems being in love with each other will still end up breaking.
its not that their love does not match up, or they have conflicting characters, its just that something between them is brewing the breakup.

And today, when i woke up, i thought, they are selfish people, thats why they break up.
When selfishness overshadows love, no matter how one says how much he loves her or how much she loves him, breaking up will be the ultimate solution.
Come across something like that personally and I think its just so true.
Being selfish will not bring bountiful happiness, not to say L_O_V_E.

Sometimes when we face crossroads, we like to put blame on others, to avoid judging oneself. But that is just avoiding the problem.
So, we end up with "I dunno" which is the most horrible answer.
Or we end up asking "why" which is again the most horrible question.
And you can imagine how horrible the outcome is.
when miss why meets mr dunno, things never gets solve.
In the end, both or rather one will start wondering how much do you love me, and why is it that you love me but still angers me. why is it that i love u but i am always upset with you. and why this why that.
Thats how horrible and draggy things will get.

So back to this morning, I thought Love will not be great if we are selfish.
So, the biggest obstacle in love, is not about whether you love enough or whether whose love is greater, but whether you are selfish or not.
And sometimes, people gets selfish and gone..... Love will be on its way to packing up and search for its next stop.

And what about my love? hmm.... i dun want my love to sell fish, they are smelly...

久违的宁静

2008-01-02T00:07:00.000+08:00

久违了。
原来，我好久没有动笔了。

人原来是会变的，最近越来越发现我变了。
我竟然开始卖蓝色的东西，以前我讨厌蓝色的。但现在，却看到蓝色的宁静。
年少，轻狂。所以，竟以为自己是天上的北斗星，一直都保持原本的位置。原来，自己可能连流星的霎那璀璨都不如。长大，原来就像是灰尘被阳光照射一样，那么的渺小，但是却能够被肉眼看着。看似微不足道，但却确确实实。
深夜。很久没有这样享受了。听着电脑的散热机发出嗡嗡的声音，宁静的是一种幸福感。生活有太多琐碎的吵闹，一丝宁静已经变成是一种无价之宝。

新年，30号晚上在从吉打回新加坡的路上开始想，心里有点着急，2007就这样过去，我毕业了，我离开了上海，我离开了复旦，我离开了一个人的生活，重回家人的怀抱。我开始工作，真正面对社会，和未来5年身为教育工作者的责任。充满这么多变化的一年，就这样过去了。我却还像是在auto-pilot mode一样。内心的感受，嗯，有是有，但却不具体。所以，那晚在巴士上问了80他对新的一年由什么新希望。原来他已经想过了，问了他之后，心中有一点失落，因为我呢？我又要做一些什么？
我要做很多的东西，但是好像最近缺少了那种积极感，和兴奋感。虽然我的个性有时会疯疯癫癫，但是最近，心中好像开始缺少了一点热诚。人生必须要有火焰，生命才会灿烂。
大了，开始学会不再那么执著。或许也是从80那里学来的，有好有坏。我还得自行斟酌。

现在的生活，是我2003年决定的，接下来的5年，我就是这样工作。工作方面，我要做得好，但是却不要把工作当成是我生命的全部。虽然，我的好导师几乎设这样生活着，但我看他感到很累。我佩服他的生活，但是我不敢效法。

80和我的关系，我到现在有时还是会觉得奇怪。我们亲密，但是却独立。这份独立是他给我的，因为他不让我依赖，在某些事情上我也是必须做自己的决定。爱情，并不是占领所有方面。我们的关系中还存在着许多未占领的土地，这中间当然包括了许多的未知数。
以前的我会很担心，但是这几个星期开始放心。因为慢慢能够感受到我们之间的默契。以前，我过于着急，太像看到一些什么“具体”的东西。但是原来，爱情就是抽象的。感受，多过实物。

2008年。我希望我能够认真看待我的生活，认真认识自己人生的道路。
或许2007年，我被很多周围的人影响着，模糊了自己的方向。幸好，没有迷糊太久。
人生属于自己的，同时和必须和我身边的人分享，但是我不能够也不应该被他们牵着走太远。自己的生活，自己必须走。

folly fellows

2007-11-19T16:23:00.000+08:00

jus a little reflection. i guess, its human nature to behave like this.

a question to all reading:
how many times do we remember the people around us when we're happy? or when we feel upset.

hmm... i mean very often, we tend to forget about some of our friends when we're enjoying ourselves or hidding in the dark room, when we're entirely IN our own world. and then we start to realise we're overly in our own world when we receive a friendly sms from a friend saying how much she/he misses u.
having been there and done that, it doesnt feel good even when we reply "miss you too". either we're trying hard to feel sincere, so its due to a natural response to say the same thing when someone initiate it.

in times of need, calls and smses are endless. but it seems she started to venture away.
we do wonder where are she is going, but its often awkward to start asking.
i dunno if her sms is jus a natural respond to mine, but it doesnt feel good to jus see 3 words when i asked "how are you recently.....".
it really makes people wonder what are she's thinking and why did she behave like that.

well, but often we become oblivous to the people ard us when immersed in our own happiness. kinda sad for us when she decided to exclude us in her happiness.

though i dunno if you're happy, but i guess it will be very much appreciated to share happenings in our lives with people we cherish and who we thought we treasure. in the end, it remains 90% guessing so... i really hope that 10% does not fail into turmoil of any sort.

but again, matters of the heart are not easily translated into audible words.
jus hope that it will be sunshine and breeze for her after the storms.

失去

2007-10-31T09:42:00.000+08:00

在压力的挤压下，我的文学触角最为敏感。
以前总是在考试期间下最多的东西，现在却觉得自己可怜，因为连考试的压力也无法把文字中我沉重的身躯挤压出一点儿什么。人好像就是这般可哀。

最近开始看朋友的部落格，让我对很多人和事有了新的感受。
本来以为是造作、无味的文字却让我感动。
以前以为那种示众的悼念是多么的不堪，多么的自以为是。一些只供密室好友倾诉的话语，感情被电邮分解再组合成章显示在我们这般普通朋友面前，我们没办法只好捧场接受。现在看当时的孤傲，只是觉得当时很幼稚。
或许，真的文字写作就是无时无刻，毫无吝啬的跟周围的人分享，毕竟能够从文字找到趣味的人已经不多了，再不珍惜就的话就是自己的损失了。

Leisure

2007-09-17T21:26:00.001+08:00

poem by William Henry Davies

Leisure

What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare?

No time to stand beneath the boughs,

And stare as long as sheep and cows;

No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass;

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night;

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance;

No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

it would be a blessing to stand and stare now, ya?

Maybe thats barry loves to do nothing.

NOT heart disease.

2007-09-17T18:42:00.000+08:00

oops.... sorry to frens and also sorry to myself for making myself soooooo worried about my beloved heart.

Its really heartening to hear from the doctor that its not any heart-related disease. But instead, he said it is muscle pull, the same as what the doctor said in Shanghai. *double confirmed!*
And to make sure there is no mis-treatment, i brought along the ECG i took last year for him to refer, and told him i am worried. gosh... i am such a person who needs assurance!!!! and further re-assurance!!!!!
and he explained to me that many ppl have ECG like mine where there is a right bundle branch morphology. and my branch is jus a very small one which shouldnt be anything significant.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i am very happy and relieved to know that i wun be dying of heart disease, and its jus a muscle pull. unloaded the heavy stone on my heart.

So, to prevent muscle pull, i shouldnt carry heavy things with my left arm and also dun do that stunt in gym where u support yourself using left arm. gosh.. i got weak arms.....

Delightful as it is, i guess i only enjoy the game heart attack which i jus played on sunday!

worried

2007-09-17T16:41:00.000+08:00

hmm.... sometimes i worry too much. as the chinese says worried that the sky will fall.
i dunno if this is called consciousness or awareness or over-worrying.... which is kinda unnecessary.
becos i am easily stressed, so this make me more worried. worried about worrying.

recently, i want to face the top worry of my worries. health.
i am not your pink baby, though not your sickly child. but not having tiptop health.
gastric is the only major thing i encountered before i went shanghai. while in shanghai, many other forms of un-healthyness came.
Cold feet and hands(which was the case all along, but getting better now), occasional gastric... but i dun have flus and cold often, which is very good.
but there are some symptoms which get me worried.
like being breathless sometimes, and also the pain on the left side of my body.
i been to doctor to ask about it, cos a previous health screening last year showed there was sth sth about my ECG, but cos i was in shanghai, so i took a new ECG and the doctor said i was fine. diagnosing it as a muscle pull...
so i let it rest.. though the pain come back quite frequently.

recently, this pain worries me a bit. it had not come for sometime, and now it came back. and cos sometimes i worried about it and felt a bit breathless. in addition, school is a bit stressful, so the pain makes me hard to concentrate on my work.
so.. i decided to go to the doctor and request a ECG again, and have to remember to take the previous ECG along for comparision.

really, what if i got a heart disease?

2 days of getting together

2007-09-17T16:36:00.001+08:00

chalet! how time flies... the group of us went to chalet ard this time too last year. and after much anticipation, chalet ended and we're back to doing our own roles after a wonderful weekend.

During the weekdays, i was pretty stressed out, and wasa bit worried about going to the chalet. will going there make me more stressful cos there are works not done? or will i be able to enjoy it fully?
with God's blessing, i felt the latter. I was able to enjoy it fully and everyone went home with a new perspective and also shared a bit more of themselves during the chalet which was one of the objectives. Jus like how the moon will crescent or full, there are also a few pity, but nevertheless, we learnt lessons.

Maybe next time we'll have some more outings and include all those who are in our group, so that we can have a good get together!

feet evolution

2007-09-05T00:21:00.000+08:00

i always though my feet belong to a female farmer. Dark and wide, nothing like those of Cinderella's, whose feet fits into the petite glass heels.
But being a city girl, i decided to go for pedicure, indulge myself in the luxury and feet evolution.
I always prefer pedicure, cos varnish on fingers looks too cancer causing to eat with.

So my feet is now decorated with ten red toe nails. pretty pretty feet, though still far from cinderella's but at least i got my prince to see them.

pretty feet on city girl makes her day happi~~

胎死腹中

2007-09-01T16:48:00.000+08:00

No matter how much we try, somethings jus cannot change.
Not changing for the better, jus changing to accomodate and changing to understand and to feel.
Maybe we can never see each other's point.
In carry a project to the end.
No promise, No trying, No strings attached.

Either it never ends, or it never work out.

甜甜蜜蜜

2007-08-25T18:38:00.000+08:00

881。这部关于七月歌台的本地制作不但使人群重新回到草根文化，也让父母辈能够重新拥抱彼此的爱情。嘿嘿，因为今晚爸爸妈妈去看881了！
一直以来，看戏都是年轻人的玩意儿，多片、浪漫爱情片、卡通片，这些都和结了20多年的老夫妻脱离关系。我和姐姐刚开始也是想带父母去看881，但是时间总是排不出。刚才吃饭时，爸爸就说去约其他的叔叔一起去看881，但是他们却没空。在一旁的我就开始怂恿爸爸和妈妈两人去看，别问其他朋友了。就这样，他们踏踏出去了。
爸爸穿上长裤，妈妈擦上口红，一幅在热恋中的情侣一样。
叫妈妈带上冷衣，她却说冷的话就让爸爸抱着她。哈哈，甜甜蜜蜜。

我飞的最高最远

2007-08-21T21:45:00.000+08:00

我飞的最高最远，我的梦无际无边，没有人能阻挡我的方向，没有终点。

最近电视又开始播放这首歌曲，在耳边荡漾的旋律勾起了许多童年的回忆。我是一个标准的电视迷，记忆中只是没有看过郑惠玉那一届的《才华横溢出新秀》，之后的那几届才华，我们都会在学校大肆讨论，搞成自己评判一样。原本只是新加坡对演艺事业有兴趣的人参加，之后渐渐扩大到马来西亚、台湾和中国。对外来人才的加入，应该是一件令人振奋的，因为增加了比赛的竞争力。不过，有时想想，为什么他们不留在自己的国家发展呢？论经济发展，外来人才选择本地发展是毋庸置疑的，但是在演艺圈这种需要自由和机会的领域，当新加坡的演员努力争取海外市场的同时，为什么会这一群表演者要来到这片文化沙漠呢？或许他们在本国的发展竞争力太强，所以选择新加坡，和另一群语言能力、表演才华不那么高的人比赛。对这群人，开始的影响比太好，现在想想，他们是在给自己第二个机会，也给了新加坡人一个努力的机会。

纵观新加坡的演艺圈，来到本地发展的艺人，除非你是真材实料如郭亮、权仪凤，其他的也只是二线演员，当家花旦还是新加坡演员。其中的这些当家花旦也多属来自“民间”，而非才华出身。这样说来，新加坡的才华引进外来人才的原因是什么呢？为了增加比赛竞争力，吓吓参赛选手让他们更努力吗？哈哈，这只是我的一些想法：）

今天只是介绍参赛选手，看了几分钟，觉得本地选手和海外选手的气质和语言能力在舞台上并没有什么差距，希望每一位选手都能够发挥自己的优点，飞到最高做远。

红衬衫

2007-08-13T17:48:00.000+08:00

每年有两次会自动自发穿上红衬衫。一次是春节，一次是国庆日。
春节偶尔会应节买件红衬衫欢度新年，而且又可以让长辈开心。今年我的春节红衬衫就是妈妈买给我的，因为新年买红衣。
红衬衫，在春节穿了那一次之后就把它挂在衣柜里。
学校庆祝国庆，满街的人潮开始变红，穿上红衬衫、白裤子，把自己装饰成国旗一样。其实，白配红是好看的，只是平时这样穿出去不让人想起旗杆上飘扬的旗帜是满难的，所以即使喜欢这两个颜色的我只在国庆日这样穿。平时呢，就白配红变成粉红色，掩饰着心中的那只旗帜。
那天，为了国庆又把春节的那件红衬衫穿出来。
穿在身上，是过年还是国庆？其实新加坡人有两次喜气洋洋的机会欢庆也不错。

week one in nie

2007-08-05T21:42:00.000+08:00

week one in nie is a week of sleepy head and tired mind.
haven really got used to the tutorial system and now that one of the module is really packed.
lecture and tutorial on the same day when i haven even got the ideas clear. am i getting stupid and slow? or its jus adaptation phase? hope its the latter...
about my classmates, well they are all nice people. jus that my tutorial group is made up of all fresh grads, unlike the other group where they have second career ppl who are older and maybe more experience to share.
hmm... think i should try to have some contact point with them. why do they want to try chinese teaching? and what do they have to give up or what do they think they will gain from chinese teaching??

there is also a service learning group we have, and we got to work on a year long project together. i have nice group members who take initiatives to give ideas and also help out. maybe becos we are all teachers, willing to share and give ideas! haha

next week is the 2nd week of school. got an e-learning class.. bringing my lappy to school then!
and goign to ka-jiao the service hub ppl to help me set up my wireless. hahahaha...

back to school

2007-07-29T13:23:00.000+08:00

i am back to school... something different is about this return in classroom, as a student teacher.
i am actually learning to be a teacher, and even though many of my frens had already gone through this institution training, but its still different with me experiencing it myself.
things are going to be different from the way i study in shanghai, when all i need to do is to be in lectures on time, study for exams and da-da, back for holidays. but this time round, i am not supposed to be so enjoy... there are many discussion sessions, tutorials( things which i haven done since JC2) and events in schools which i have to take part as a student teacher. In a nutshell, i will be very busy but at the same time using my brains and putting my abilities in real use. And its to be studying with fellow singaporeans which i actually miss, i am truly singaporean, i love being in singapore. even though i think the love for my country grew more after i had studied overseas.
Hmm... as quite a computer bai-chi.. my school is doing plenty of e-learning.. putting our works and info on school website. so... ya, guess its time i spend some time exploring in the virtual world.
orientation week passed and school timetable officially starts tmr.
meanwhile, wish myself good luck and be happy. dun be taunted by the high level of stress in school and hectic schedule i am having.
Bless all and we pray.

back to singapore

2007-07-23T19:02:00.000+08:00

hi everyone who is reading my blog...
oops... maybe there are some who had forsake reading my blog cos i haven been updating... becos china is blocking a series of blogs.. which i dunno why.. and haha, *phew* that saves me from admitting to my laziness.

kk, back to blogging..

i am back in singapore from shanghai for good.. which means i will definitely be in singapore for 5 years at least from now. i dunno where i will go after 5 years, but jus know that God will have good plans for me in his hands.

Meanwhile, i want to steady my heart. heart is a shaky thing for me, its true to me but i am easily influenced by outside factors that sometimes i tend to blur the true vision.
it is becoming more steady, becos i know i got the strenght from God and from within to let me stay firm. The environment is changing rapidly and we cannot change like the weather along with the environment. ice-bergs melting in the poles should not make us sink, we got to stay firm and strong against strong winds bending us.

jus begin my course in NIE, *blink blink* there are so many lessons for me. well, as what the profs kept repeating: you are employees of MOE... blah blah... so i have to have good studying attitudes as well as a teacher ethics... hmm.. sounds stressful. though i had been a scholar for many years, as ppl say: paid to study, but it does sound weird when in NIE all of us are being paid to study and are made to be aware of the fact.
ok, i shall uphold my role as a good employee in public service.

besides work, i will be starting my normal relationship with my boyfriend. what is a normal relationship? when its not a long distance. in long distance, we had different lifestyle and free time is not spent together, and even is i miss him, i cannot see him. but now in singapore, it make sense to be able to see him whenever i like. but again, it is not true as that. becos he will also want to have his own free time when he can chill out with his frens. so sometimes i wonder where or when i will come in. and its not that i cannot see him frequently, but the purpose of these meet-ups are not for him and me, its for spiritual upgrading... so sometimes its really hard to say we dun meet up frequently enough becos we are meeting up at least once every week. though we still calls or msn or sms everyday, keeping in touch everyday, but that is jus the same in shanghai. so... sometimes i dunno what is the difference. am i anticipating a different change in his lifestyle to accomodate me or am i to slide into free spaces available in his present life? i dunno.. its another round of adapting the environment and to the people.

similarly... its back to living with my parents after 4 years. its nice to be back with them around me, giving me comfort and warmth, with me in their good care.
but ya, its another round of adaptation since i am 4 years older now, and an adult who is an employee of MOE. wahaha...

still, coming back to singapore is a series of new challenges and beginning of a new spiritual journey for me.
Pray to God i will go on a higher learning of the pure heart soon.

复旦人

2007-05-31T22:27:00.000+08:00

昨天，我在真正体会到复旦人的感动。
一只以来，复旦在我感受中只是一所我就读的学校，但是要我真的用心来感受到它的博大精深昨天还是第一次。真是一种奇妙的感觉。
本来比赛前所播放的短片感到一点不屑。心想又是那种中国式的煽情内容，果然又是煽情画面，不过这次却煽动了我心中对复旦的感情。
四年的生活就要这样结束，内心对未来有无限的期待，当然也真的对这个生活了四年的土地感到无穷的不舍。
片中提到复旦所孕育的莘莘学子，如何自强不息面为生命写下辉煌的页章，在未来的日子里如何接受一切的挑战，然后编写个人生命的史诗。一切的煽情竟然令我深深感动，在眼眶徘徊的泪水然我更加赞叹作为复旦人的骄傲和自豪。
复旦已经是我生命中无法磨视的一部分，而再往后的日子里我也必须在复旦的基础上建立更大的堡垒。作为中国顶尖的学术殿堂，在这里写下的每一个字都将成为我生命的一部分，真真实实的烙印。
毕业之际，发现作为复旦人的骄傲。

什么是复旦人？
我就是复旦人。